I need a CAR! Soonest.


(sigh)* I really need a car. Commuting to work is not doing me any good,am left tired most of the time. I’ve always dreamed of owning a mini cooperphoto borrowed from flicker or a passat or a Toyota ist.

But since my budget will never ever allow it and I might probably have to save up for my entire life/ 2 lifetimes, I’ll just have to settle for a toyota vits(as pathetic as vits is) or a Nissan March. Both are cute and girly enough I suppose? Plus they consume less fuel 🙂

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Another boring Monday(mm)


I was up all night jana watching America’s next top Model and had a very disturbing realization. Sure I like what Tyra is doing but how comes the pretty girls never win. And how comes the nice girls always get thrown out so soon? The weird part is that the ugly, mean and nasty girls always stay in  the competition. The drama queens.

And another thing…how comes the mean,nasty,bitter,loudmouthed,ugly girls are always black? Ok, I have nothing against people of my race but why does it always seem like young black women have no class? They are the ones who are always hurling insults at others, getting drunk and starting fights. I really wonder…or maybe ANTM is trying to portray black women as uncivilized hmmm.

I was very happy with cycle 10. A plus size model won…she was pretty and nice too, I think that’s what a true top model should be like. And the word plus size doesnt sound so nice because she wasnt at all fat…she was just a size 12(according to Kenyan standards) Anyway, cycle 12 was just horrible! With Sandra in the house causing drama left right and centre. Thank God she was eliminated!

Anyway, enough with the top mode vibe… I have nothing to post today really so I just thought it would be nice to blab about Top Model. hmmm, I dont think I could ever be a model though, I love food too much. I couldn’t live under the constant pressure of weighing a certain amount of kilograms and starving myself so that I stay thin. I could be a creative director though…or a photographer. Photography has always been my one true hobby. Although, people tell me its an expensive hobby which sounds stupid because one doesn’t have to invest in expensive cameras to produce good photos. It’s all about learning the angles and using the light well…with a little creativity!

411:Divorce now considered an Hereditary Disorder.


This morning, someone emailed me text messages from some Classic FM discussion. Just perused through them and frankly I don’t feel sorry for any of those people..esp the one who confessed to cheating and later finding out that he’s HIV positive. hahahaha!serves her right! That’s the punishment you get for being so promiscuous. What did she expect? That she wud just have her cake n eat it. ‘Apathy’ is the best word I could use to describe my feelings towards that email. And men; its ok to be unfaithful to your wives because deadly diseases don’t exist in this time n era. Its just a plot by the government to scare Men into having one wife…in fact we live in such a safe world you don’t even have to use protection! How cool is that huh?

Ok, time to drive my message home…

What is so hard about commiting to one man/woman and staying faithful to them?? This creepy culture of Kenyan’s trying to live like Americans thinking it makes them cool is just so pathetic and retarded. On some unfortunate occasions I get the chance to listen to Classic FM. Talks of men and women complaining about their spouses. If they’re so horrible why are you still married to them anyway? Its either you find a way to solve ur problems or move on. No one enjoys listening to your rants, we also have problems of our own so grow up!

I personally don’t believe in divorce. I would rather stay single that get married only to divorce. God himself hates divorce! I also believe that the kind of problems people have in their marriages are as a result of a mistake they made in the past…and it just keeps coming back to haunt them! More like karma.But anyway,what do I know about this sh*t,my parents are not together so there’s an 100% chance that I inherited the divorce gene from them. But I choose not to make the  mistake of treating relationships casually. It beats me. If am doing it, I have to do it perfectly and make things work.

My advice is that people should think twice before messing with God/ mother nature. There are certain rules that govern relationships and the moment u decide to overstep them, your life will fail miserably. Case in point(Luo men) in as much as I come from the Luo community I dread Luo men. I sincerely hope that I never get married to one. You see these are the kind of men who cheat openly because they think they are invincible or sth. These are the men who want to have more than four wives and defy morality. These are the same kind of men who are so proud and arrogant that they believe no one can rise up to their level. They say “Luo is not just a tribe it’s a way of life” and I say crap! If they are so cool and swaggerific(cant believe I just used this retarded word) then how comes HIV/AIDS is wiping out alot of men in Luo nyanza? Think twice before you mess with mother nature and think twice before you defy the moral fabric of society.

Anyhow, I bet someone reading this post somewhere will say “what a bi*Tch!Does she always have to be so negative” Let me defend myself by saying am not negative in any sence. I am just traditional. I believe relationships should be nurtured. People should be faithful to one another.Relationships should be based on mutual trust and respect. Sex shud be more sacred and less casual.Women should respect their bodies because it is the temple of the Lord and in this way men will also respect them. Men shud learn that women are more that just looks. One shudnt get married unless they are completely sure. Divorce is a sin amd marriage is an institution to be respected.gosh!doesnt anyone remember what we were taught in Primary School? “a family is the basic unit of a society” huh? See that’s why I respect the institution of marriage so much that I wouldn’t get into it if I haven’t found the right person. My ideal kind of man is one who share the same beliefs as I. One who respects societal rules,is down to earth,sweet,sensible,fears the Lord and can play the piano. (like this guy!)Anyway, I have come to learn that such kind of men don’t exist so I stopped looking 😦

In conclusion, may you all burn in hell for defying mother nature.hehehehehe! I KEED(borrowed line) I love u guys,you are just so sensible and not promiscuous. Anyway, one thing I believe in is that God has reserved sex for marriage not cz he wants to make us miserable bt b’cz he wnts to protect our hearts 🙂 Now y’all can go ahead and b*tch about the kind of idiot I am for having such beliefs. Have a lovely weekend everyone. Remember…don’t drink and drive,instead,stay in the bar until its safe enough to walk/crawl home. I KEED! (borrowed line)

…of Kenyans and their undying love for Tea


“So,is blogging like therapeutic to you?” A certain someone asked me one day(and they obviously thought that was a very intelligent question)

So how does one answer to that? Coz honestly, do I need a reason to blog? I post articles here because I enjoy writing…not because I have some deep rooted issues that can only be solved by writing down my feelings gosh! Not everything has to have a reason…sometimes things just are. But to make this ‘good friend‘ of mine feel better I told her “Yes. I blog because its therapeutic. Deep down inside I am just so sad and depressed. My life is empty(sob sob)* No one likes me, I am fat(I’m not fat BTW)*” And the list went on. You see,there are certain kinds of people who find comfort in the misfortune of others, so you give them just that and watch as their faces glee with excitement.

ION: My new-found love…food! Seeing as I don’t drink anymore I find myself trying all kinds of food…some of which I don’t even like. But I must admit I really enjoyed Injera(yummy)

My favorite food though is githeri. No one ever believes it when I say this,I dont know why. Is githeri that bad? 🙂 You see githeri is just plain boiled beans and maize with a little salt to taste. It’s so healthy! In high school I would have my githeri with blue-band, 2 huge avocados,royco and a few slices of crisps. Come to think of it,that doesnt even sound normal when said out loud. But that is one advantage of going to boarding school…it teaches one to adapt to any kind of environment while eating weird things 🙂

So let me give you guys a story of the time I visited my grandfather’s brother’s wife’s house back in the village. You know when you visit the village, there’s an un-written rule that says “it is a taboo to refuse food even if you’re as full as a python who’s just swallowed a goat”(I invented this saying)

So its way past lunch hour in a small village called Kojwach-Kawere. The sun is scorching hot…nothing can even begin to explain how hot it was! Hmmm, lets see,It was so hot…all the maize on the shamba started popping and flying through the air. The cows thought it was snowing. And they froze to death.

So anyhow, my brother and I decide to visit my grandfather’s brother’s wife’s house for some apparent reason. We received a warm welcome on our arrival there. Just as I mentioned in one of my many blogposts”Kenyan’s are very hospitable” So without further ado my grandfather’s brother’s wife decides to prepare us something to eat! yaaay! I was so excited…with this hot weather I could use something cool to drink,maybe some fresh mango juice seeing as my village is the land of many mangoes!(another metaphor invented by me)

Well,shock on me! My grandfather’s brother’s wife came back with two boiling pots of tea! wtf! We were dumbfounded hehehehe!(I am intentionally writing this article like a 12year old idiot so as to capture the essence) So I decided to come up with an excuse as to why I couldnt have the tea. My excuse being I dont take milk, I am lactose intolerant. “No problem dear” my grandfather’s brother’s wife said “I will get you something else”

Oh boy! She went back to the kitchen and brought back a jag of boiling water. “Here you go” she said…”Just add some drinking chocolate and enjoy” Hmmm…so literally I was back in high school…boiling water,sugar and drinking chocolate. That wasn’t so funny BTW…It was torturous. I will never forget that dreadful afternoon.

But if there’s one thing it taught me…it was how to feign sickness to get out of sh*t. I must admit Kenyan’s love tea alot.  Our National anthem should go something like “Mimi ni Mkenya,kwa sababu napenda chai. Najivunia kuwa Mkenya”

I seriously need to get a new Hobby!


Best week ever! Not so much to do,my boss is in Arusha so basically all I do is listen to music on YouTube all day! Hmmm, I just pray to the man above that my boss never ever stumbles upon this blog or I’ll be screwed! Anyway, I found a new way to brighten my mornings…’Ray William Johnson’. I swear to God this guy is so hilarious! And I don’t mind the gay-racial jokes either…y’all should check out his videos;

Anyhow…nothing’s new. Just my usual boring weekly schedule;;

Monday blues!(I hate Mondays,why? because I have a good relationship with my bed and I could sleep all day if given the chance)

Terrific Tuesdays(the perfect excuse for putting on more weight)

Wacky Wednesdays(another excuse to get fat. But wait! now I get to do Karaoke on Wednesdays at this new place I discovered)

Thirty Thursdays(I used to love Thursdays while I was in campus.Now, not so much! alcohol doesnt awe me that much anymore, but once in a while its good to have a drink after work…like normal people)

Friday movie night(I love my new Friday routine,mostly because I just get to cuddle in my bed and watch horror movies then have sleepless nights the following week because of the terror.hehehe!just kidding, I cuddle up in my bed watching chick flicks and cartoons. Nerdy right? 🙂 I know!)

Sporty Saturdays(am not much of a sports person. In fact am so lazy I sleep for exercise! JK,but I seriously have a hard time getting up on Saturdays to go swimming as much as that’s the only sport I consider enjoyable. But I guess its coz of the cold weather,so am still hibernating)

Lazy Sundays(nothing much on this day…just church then back to bed. Except for those occasional times when am daring enough to go for a banana ride at Lunar park. Yeah, and am never doing that again)

This year’s mission… I have to go bungee jumping heehaw!  (laugh*snort) yeah right! As if!maybe if I wanted to die young. But anyhow,since I intend to live forever (of which am doing well so far) I will continue engaging in less risky hobbies like sleeping 🙂

That’s all about my boring routine. Hmmm,maybe I should let out some details about my love life(of which you will keep waiting for) because I don’t post gory,personal details about my love life on the web(because I have none) But come to think of it…I’ll just let out a little,,Am in love! Well not literally, but I think I found my soul-mate. But I’ll just give it two more weeks to know if its truly love or just lust, then I’ll keep y’all posted!. All in all the dude in question is not so tall, dark,deep-voiced,sexy lips,brown-lovely eyes (that stare at me soooo intensely at times I start to feel as if some imaginary pins are pricking me all over),six-packed chest,athletic build,strong arms and above all,he’s an IT genius…so who wouldn’t fall in love with this sex god???

So I guess its just lust..it will pass.

Have a great weekend everyone. And remember…don’t drink and drive,instead,share a cab with some random fly guys then we can all share the gory details next week. That is of course if they dont turn out to be schizophrenic psychos who murder women just for the fun of it hahahaha! JK, dont share a cab with random handsome men,get a designated driver 🙂

DAILY HASSLES OF A WORKING GIRL


Hi all! It’s been long since my last blog-post, but am back!

Nothing’s new in my life. Am just settling in to my new job, no actually am settled. Its fabulous! I am on a 7am-4pm schedule. 2hours lunch break and My work station is just the isht! My new boss actually allowed me to pimp it to suit my needs. And above all, no MATH on this job! heehehehh(evil laugh)

But anyway, as much as am in paradise there’s also the pressure to not disappoint my boss coz he believes in me alot. So I read alot of business journals to keep myself up with current issues. And I have to admit that this is partly because of the embarrassment I experienced a few weeks ago..my boss had this major partner coming over and he left me the responsibility of taking care of him. Taking care of him means entertaining…and I completely blew it! You see, in all my experience, the word entertaining(to me)literally means having fun and loosing it.

So, here’s mistake number 1…

I completely forgot to do a background check on the partner and the 1st meeting was just pathetic. So I meet this really learned middle-aged guy and I find it hard to keep the conversation flowing because am not well informed on World Custom issues. And the worst part was when he asked me”what is the average population of Nairobi” and I had no answer to that because frankly I don’t really care.

Mistake number 2…

Seeing as I don’t really read business journals and I couldn’t keep up with his flow I decided to change the subject. So I offered to to show him around the duty free shops so that we could awe him with the fact that our airport is really cool(and possibly buy some booze if he wanted to). That dint go well, apparently our Kenyan duty free shops dont have much to offer. The guy has been to airports all over the world ours dint really excite him that much. Ouch! So I get the driver and we drop him off at his hotel.

Mistake number 3…

My  boss asked me to show his partner’s wife around town…maybe do some shopping. That wasn’t so bad,coz am a genius when it comes to shopping so obviously we had a blast! The problem started when I had to take them to lunch,gosh! What kind of IDIOT takes clients for pizza! nkt!

Mistake number 4…

As Kenyans we seem to love tea alot so for the office meeting(at 2pm) we served chai na mkate 😀 The bread was so horribly sliced that I myself couldn’t stand to look at it. The office assistant did it, deliberately embarrassing me.

Mistake number 5…

…being the ‘good hostess’ that I am I decided to buy some fresh juice for them to make up for it. To my surprise,on returning to the office, a certain person had drank almost half of it. Oh boy! So I had half a bottle of juice which obviously wasn’t going to be enough for everyone. Anyway, due to my good organizational skills I was able to work something out.

But to this date, I am still trying to find out who could be so stupid to drink half a bottle of that juice hehehe! Idiot! Anyway,we all learn from mistakes so next time there wont be a repeat of the same.

 

 

 

…And what not to carry in your bag to avoid embarassment!


I like what the Prime Minister did yesterday. Being one of the 1st of our MP’s to pay his taxes…that was so honorable! And it doensn’t matter if critics will say that was a strategic move. We need the money. Our economy is so bad so if we all had to chip in to make it grow…that would be the best road to recovery. So am waiting to hear the kind of excuses the other MP’s will come up with to protest paying taxes.

Then there’s the infamous statement ati  “with a gross income of KES 500,000 how do you expect an MP to survive?” I  swear that statement was the most incongruous thing I’ve ever heard. Mostly because we have people who earn KES 15,000 per month but still pay their taxes. So what makes them so special? So arrogant, ignorant and uncivilized!

 

Enough of that…yesterday I had the most embarrassing moment of the day. Yes, I have a lot of embarrassing moments, but this was just bad! Gosh!

So I was rushing home and decided to make a quick stop at Nakumatt. Suddenly my phone started ringing and just as I was about to get it my bag ripped open and all my personal stuff spill out. Right there on the street! At 1st I just stood there in shock until the security guard came over and exclaimed “Ai Aunty! Hata nguo ya kulala unabeba kwa mfuko?” I dint even talk to that guard, I jst picked up my stuff and left. To make it worse, I had mistakenly answered the phone and the person who was calling heard it all. And you know who that was? The cutest guy I have met in a long time and he was calling to ask if we could do lunch the next day. I dont know how I will ever face that guy again…seeing as now he has a rough idea of the kind of crap I carry in my bag. And that is how I shattered the illusion of one guy who always thought I was a perfect lady.

Anyway, I think I have gotten to that stage in life where my bag has to be used as a walking store. I carry everything from my shower cap to my make up bag, extra pair of shoes, clothes, snacks, laptop, books, conference notes and even a kitchen fork for my protection if I ever get attacked 😀 See, am not embarrassed to admit that now, after what happened yesterday.  But who can blame me? I have lots of things to attend to during the day and I always have to carry around an extra pair of something just in-case.

But I hope something like that will never happen to me again. I am going shopping for a king size/ gigantic bag so that my stuff never spill out unexpectedly again!