Post-Holiday Jitters


Hope everyone had a lovely Easter.

I had time to relax and catch up on some much needed sleep…and am back to work 😦 Anyhow, my week has started off on a good note. Four work-days this week and just two more days to Friday. I’m having fun, things are going well (I suppose) but deep down I don’t know what the hell is going on with my life or how things going to be like five years down the line. I’m in a total state of confusion.

This is my career…

This is my love life…

And this is what I’m doing until life starts to make sense

 

 

Advertisements

Use of Sarcasm as a coping mechanism 2


I am a frustrated employee. So frustrated it has reached a point I could blow off and loose it. But I am not going to do that, I am going to disguise my bitterness with sarcastic replies. I’m still in control of my life, I just dont know how to read people’s minds. Hypothetically that is part of my ‘job description’ but it beats me. Just this morning, I was gratified by my new ability to be able to answer questions promptly as often required of me, I said I dint know…and that is where the trouble begun.

You know you are unhappy at work when you arrive at the office every morning scared as sh*t because you know what’s coming at you. As a result you look for every excuse to have ‘alone time’ so as to avoid coming into contact with your boss and generally procrastinating things because of the emotional distress you know you will have to deal with. Its not healthy. I have ‘the more the merrier‘ attitude so I prefer to get lost in the crowd whenever I’m too tired to deal with issues. However, I work for a small firm where its my duty to practically take care of everything..which means I cant run away from my ‘problem’. So I have to find a way of coping, I just dont know how at the moment.

THESE ARE THE COMMON SIGNS OF UNHAPPINESS AT WORK

Spending Sunday night worrying about Monday morning: I never sleep well on Sunday night because I’m worried about going to work on Monday morning. My job is very stressful so I always have to prepare myself for the psychological torture well before Monday morning.

Focus on the money: If you don’t like your job, you will mostly focus on the salary and perks. When we’re unhappy at work we get a lot more competitive. Its simple, when work doesnt give us happiness and enjoyment we want ot get something else out of it and what else is there but good compensation?

Countdown to after-hours: You know you are unhappy when the first thing you do in the morning is calculate the number of hours until you can leave the office. Ironically, this makes the work day feel even longer.

No friends at work: This speaks for itself. Woo unto those who work in a Company with only two employees and one of them being the boss, which simply means no-one to socialize with apart from your work load. Studies show that workplace engagement is one of the factors that predict happiness at work. I pre-occupy myself with planning for after-work activities that way looking forward to dealing with people who don’t suck the energy out of me. It’s actually good to have people to talk to about the chaos at your workplace…this is not the case for people working in small firms.

You dont care about anything: Things can go well or they can go bad for your workplace, either way you dont really give a damn. This is the point I have reached, doing my work mechanically and letting go of any emotional attachment to my workplace. I’m way too de-motivated to even care what happens, I’m just expecting the worse.  When you’re unhappy you care mostly about yourself and not so much about the workplace…I mean, what value to I get at the end of the day apart from constant criticism.

Small things bug you: Small annoyances become irritating i.e someone taking the last coffee without brewing a new pot, loud bickering or even someone sitting on your chair! Once the life and motivation has gone out of you, You become cynical, tired, uncreative, negative, depressed, stressed or even sick! When you are unhappy you have much thinner skin and a short fuse, it takes a lot less to annoy you.

When one is unhappy at work you are prone to experience physical stress symptoms. Many people think that sometimes you’ve just got to STFU and take the sucky job because you need the money. Its unfortunate for an economy like ours that bosses dictate and bully employees because they have the power…at times its OK to stand up for yourself. Leaving a bad job may cost you some money but what will keeping it cost you?

The risk of being fired is the biggest axe a manager holds over employees heads. A boss may be unpleasant(but of-course they all delude themselves that they are the most pleasant persons to work with), always complains and never acknowledges a job well done. People live in fear of being fired and therefore they tend to;

  • Take crap
  • Accept bullying and harassment
  • Mask their real personalities
  • Hide their real opinions
  • Accept low/ unfair salaries and horrible working conditions
  • Kiss ass
  • Avoid complaining about any problems they see

It is especially hard working for an Ego Maniac. These are the kind of bosses who initially appear charismatic, kind and understanding but get to work more with them and you will get enough crap to write a damn book! They have unrealistically high standards and end up focussing on details  and small stuff to even see the big picture. They come across as fussy and hyper-critical and find it much easier to criticize even tiny faults in others than praise exceptional performance. Its good to work for an over-achiever on the grounds that you will learn alot from them but  some bosses just take it too far. They can never be wrong. Try telling them until you’re sore in the face but they will still disregard you on the basis of ‘a person of my calibre cant do that‘. At times I believe they need to see a doctor and get professional help on how to take it easy. They are so sure of their own talents they often have a huge sence of entitlement. After all, they are perfect, so why shouldn’t they be treated differently from everyone else? The rules that apply to others simply dont apply to them- atleast in their own minds. Honestly, they are self-absorbed, highly opinionated and total pains to work with because they think they are never wrong. Their way of doing things has to be the right, right? Unfortunately the rest of us just see them as crazy bosses with little grasp on reality.

I have spent sleepless nights tossing and turning, thinking of how best to deal with difficult people and I have come to the conclusion that we simply cant. The best bet we have is setting boundaries (which obviously they don’t respect) or ignoring them which is totally impossible when dealing with a micro-manager. So I withdraw emotionally and use sarcasm as a coping mechanism. This morning I was told “you don’t want to take responsibility for your actions because you’re protecting your ego” and I said “I dint even know I had an ego in the first place. Thanks for pointing that out, there wont be a repeat of the same, how stupid of me!.” All the while I knew my ego had nothing to do with it because I couldn’t care less about my status, I am just here for the money. Anyway, I deal with difficult people by letting them think they are right when in reality I think they’re overly crazy and need professional help.

Workplace bullying is here to stay, we just have to find ways to avoid all the drama and the people that cause it. But at-least I get to learn how NOT to treat employees from all this crazy encounters in my workplace, so I would make a good boss one day 🙂

…of Kenyans and their undying love for Tea


“So,is blogging like therapeutic to you?” A certain someone asked me one day(and they obviously thought that was a very intelligent question)

So how does one answer to that? Coz honestly, do I need a reason to blog? I post articles here because I enjoy writing…not because I have some deep rooted issues that can only be solved by writing down my feelings gosh! Not everything has to have a reason…sometimes things just are. But to make this ‘good friend‘ of mine feel better I told her “Yes. I blog because its therapeutic. Deep down inside I am just so sad and depressed. My life is empty(sob sob)* No one likes me, I am fat(I’m not fat BTW)*” And the list went on. You see,there are certain kinds of people who find comfort in the misfortune of others, so you give them just that and watch as their faces glee with excitement.

ION: My new-found love…food! Seeing as I don’t drink anymore I find myself trying all kinds of food…some of which I don’t even like. But I must admit I really enjoyed Injera(yummy)

My favorite food though is githeri. No one ever believes it when I say this,I dont know why. Is githeri that bad? 🙂 You see githeri is just plain boiled beans and maize with a little salt to taste. It’s so healthy! In high school I would have my githeri with blue-band, 2 huge avocados,royco and a few slices of crisps. Come to think of it,that doesnt even sound normal when said out loud. But that is one advantage of going to boarding school…it teaches one to adapt to any kind of environment while eating weird things 🙂

So let me give you guys a story of the time I visited my grandfather’s brother’s wife’s house back in the village. You know when you visit the village, there’s an un-written rule that says “it is a taboo to refuse food even if you’re as full as a python who’s just swallowed a goat”(I invented this saying)

So its way past lunch hour in a small village called Kojwach-Kawere. The sun is scorching hot…nothing can even begin to explain how hot it was! Hmmm, lets see,It was so hot…all the maize on the shamba started popping and flying through the air. The cows thought it was snowing. And they froze to death.

So anyhow, my brother and I decide to visit my grandfather’s brother’s wife’s house for some apparent reason. We received a warm welcome on our arrival there. Just as I mentioned in one of my many blogposts”Kenyan’s are very hospitable” So without further ado my grandfather’s brother’s wife decides to prepare us something to eat! yaaay! I was so excited…with this hot weather I could use something cool to drink,maybe some fresh mango juice seeing as my village is the land of many mangoes!(another metaphor invented by me)

Well,shock on me! My grandfather’s brother’s wife came back with two boiling pots of tea! wtf! We were dumbfounded hehehehe!(I am intentionally writing this article like a 12year old idiot so as to capture the essence) So I decided to come up with an excuse as to why I couldnt have the tea. My excuse being I dont take milk, I am lactose intolerant. “No problem dear” my grandfather’s brother’s wife said “I will get you something else”

Oh boy! She went back to the kitchen and brought back a jag of boiling water. “Here you go” she said…”Just add some drinking chocolate and enjoy” Hmmm…so literally I was back in high school…boiling water,sugar and drinking chocolate. That wasn’t so funny BTW…It was torturous. I will never forget that dreadful afternoon.

But if there’s one thing it taught me…it was how to feign sickness to get out of sh*t. I must admit Kenyan’s love tea alot.  Our National anthem should go something like “Mimi ni Mkenya,kwa sababu napenda chai. Najivunia kuwa Mkenya”

DAILY HASSLES OF A WORKING GIRL


Hi all! It’s been long since my last blog-post, but am back!

Nothing’s new in my life. Am just settling in to my new job, no actually am settled. Its fabulous! I am on a 7am-4pm schedule. 2hours lunch break and My work station is just the isht! My new boss actually allowed me to pimp it to suit my needs. And above all, no MATH on this job! heehehehh(evil laugh)

But anyway, as much as am in paradise there’s also the pressure to not disappoint my boss coz he believes in me alot. So I read alot of business journals to keep myself up with current issues. And I have to admit that this is partly because of the embarrassment I experienced a few weeks ago..my boss had this major partner coming over and he left me the responsibility of taking care of him. Taking care of him means entertaining…and I completely blew it! You see, in all my experience, the word entertaining(to me)literally means having fun and loosing it.

So, here’s mistake number 1…

I completely forgot to do a background check on the partner and the 1st meeting was just pathetic. So I meet this really learned middle-aged guy and I find it hard to keep the conversation flowing because am not well informed on World Custom issues. And the worst part was when he asked me”what is the average population of Nairobi” and I had no answer to that because frankly I don’t really care.

Mistake number 2…

Seeing as I don’t really read business journals and I couldn’t keep up with his flow I decided to change the subject. So I offered to to show him around the duty free shops so that we could awe him with the fact that our airport is really cool(and possibly buy some booze if he wanted to). That dint go well, apparently our Kenyan duty free shops dont have much to offer. The guy has been to airports all over the world ours dint really excite him that much. Ouch! So I get the driver and we drop him off at his hotel.

Mistake number 3…

My  boss asked me to show his partner’s wife around town…maybe do some shopping. That wasn’t so bad,coz am a genius when it comes to shopping so obviously we had a blast! The problem started when I had to take them to lunch,gosh! What kind of IDIOT takes clients for pizza! nkt!

Mistake number 4…

As Kenyans we seem to love tea alot so for the office meeting(at 2pm) we served chai na mkate 😀 The bread was so horribly sliced that I myself couldn’t stand to look at it. The office assistant did it, deliberately embarrassing me.

Mistake number 5…

…being the ‘good hostess’ that I am I decided to buy some fresh juice for them to make up for it. To my surprise,on returning to the office, a certain person had drank almost half of it. Oh boy! So I had half a bottle of juice which obviously wasn’t going to be enough for everyone. Anyway, due to my good organizational skills I was able to work something out.

But to this date, I am still trying to find out who could be so stupid to drink half a bottle of that juice hehehe! Idiot! Anyway,we all learn from mistakes so next time there wont be a repeat of the same.

 

 

 

TORTURE IN THE EXAM ROOM


Holy crap! I have made the worst mistake of my life today. I was soooooo wise,until education ruined me…and now I am bearing the consequences.

You know, I wrote this article article while seated in an exam room. I know it sounds absolutely crazy that I would even have time to blog while sitting for an MIS paper…but I did not know any answer to all of the questions. So I sat there,waiting for my very generous neighbour to pass over his answer sheet and in the meantime I decided,what the heck, I have enough time to write an article! 🙂

Now here is where the story begins…

A few years ago I made an unconscious decision to pursue Bachelor of Commerce. Little did I know that I was going to face so many challenges later on with that kind of Degree. But my mum was so proud of me so I decided,why not? My plan was to go ahead with it,choose a marketing major and it would be a win-win situation for everyone.

 

Anyway, It always seemed like I had a lucky star or something. Coz funny enough,come graduation,I crossed the bar. I graduated with an upper division. I still don’t believe it to this date……..my mum was proud,I was happy. And just like every other BcOM Graduate I enrolled for CPAs.

…and that’s where the story brings us. So here I am,seated on my desk,blank and confused. Am not blank coz I am stupid,its coz i dint read. I dint read coz I dont care,I did is coz I don’t wanna go down this road again. I dont want to be an Accountant and work at PriceWaterHouse Coopers. I just want to be a simple girl who enjoys her career. A simple girl who loves what she does and is good at it…and I know exactly what to do to achieve that.

Today I read this article that completely made my day. Let me share it with you…

30 things to do if you are going to fail an exam anyways

Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, “I’m SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking.” Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say “They’ve found me, I have to leave the country” and run off.

15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out “Merry Christmas.” If you’re really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.

Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out “Fuck this!” and walk out triumphantly.

Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone’s done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)

Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, “I don’t understand ANY of this. I’ve been to every lecture all semester long! What’s the deal? And who the hell are you? Where’s the regular guy?”

Do the entire exam in another language. If you don’t know one, make one up!

Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, “the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!”

After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious… like history notes for a calculus exam… otherwise you’re not just failing, you’re getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment “Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit.”

Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, “Okay, let’s double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E….”

PATHETIC NAMES;Please dont name ur kid this*


Aki some names are just horrifying…call your kid this n u deserve to be sued!!

Juan

Used to describe a person who has been doomed to a life of rejection from females.
Describes a person who is doomed to roam the earth alone forever.

Ana

Not a petname for Anorexia. Most often used by girls who don’t really have an eating disorder but like to pretend.It’s girls who want to shed a few pounds, who post how many calories they consumed that day and how many sit ups they did in order to try asnd prove they are anorexic. Real anorexics struggle with the disease and aren’t just trying to lose a few pounds. Real anorexics aren’t proud.

Ana girls think that starvation is beautiful, glamourous, a lifestyle. They’re annoying, bitchy, and an insult to any girl who has really struggled with anorexia nervosa.

Didi
1. an absent minded girl
2. a type of banana

Gaudencia
The highest compliment a mother can give her daughter is to name her Gaudencia(not a nice compliment. If u dont get it…look up the word ‘gaudy’ in the dictionary)

Kean
An abnormal bruise or mole.

Erich
Erich’s are loving, affectionate creatures. They tend to enjoy reading, hacking, or any other kind of nerdy past time.

Jermaine
A person used to make up a sexual threesome.

Jojo
Derived from the disturbingly young American singer, meaning any girl who is clearly looking and acting many years above her age. Her first single Get Out (Leave) is the classic case in point, apparently about a 14 year old conducting a relationship with all the faux emotion and stormy angst of an abused middle aged wife.

Don
The don, The best, The shit, The effin daddy etc etc… (this is the best name on earth.esp coz its my brother’s name hahaha!:) )

…OF BOSSES AND DIAPERS


A boss is like a diaper…full of shit and always on your a**. I have never heard of a more true statement.What is it with bosses and belittling their subordinates? Does it make them sleep better at night?

Seeing as am a Christian and all, I forgive my boss for all the times he’s made me feel like running to the ladies and crying my heart out..but today I have to blog about bosses!!

Before I entered the corporate world I always thot guys just hate on their bosses for no apparent reason,but at this point I think I am also on the receiving end…of crap!Its not fair but I cant complain. All I can do is blog about it. In the office, I am the kind of person you would describe as ‘submissive’ I don’t like talking back at my boss and in the same breath I would also really appreciate it if he just left me alone at times. All the whining and complaining about small insignificant things makes me sick! I think there are better means of communicating.

You see, if I was a boss, I wouldn’t make my employees feel like idiots. I would take time and get to know each and every one of them so that I know how to handle them according to their personalities. I think it’s much more fun working that way coz the office becomes a more pleasant place to be. Anyway,that’s just me. Bosses probably don’t have the time to socialize with their subordinates…but even so,a nice email is always better than all the whining. It gets the message across in a more civilized way. You know there are times when I just want to get to the office,sit quietly on my desk and work until 5pm…but NO! That is impossible. I am just an Intern and therefore am not entitled to any peace during work hours.

I guess there’s nothing I can do about it at this point so I’ll just vumilia my boss for all that he is and pray to God to forgive us all 🙂 😀 The best I can do is laugh about it to make myself feel better. But in my perspective;

When I take a long time I’m slow
When my boss takes a long time he’s thorough

When I don’t do it I’m lazy
When my boss doesn’t do it he’s busy

When I make a mistake, I’m an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake, he’s only human.

When I do something without being told, I’m overstepping my authority
When my boss does the same, that’s initiative/proactive

When I take a stand, I’m being bull-headed
When my boss does it, he’s being firm.

When I overlooked a rule of etiquette, I’m being rude
When my boss skips a few rules, he’s being original

When I’m out of the office, I’m wandering around
When my boss is out of the office, he’s on business

When I’m on a day off sick, I’m always sick
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill

When I apply for leave, I must be going for an interview
When my boss applies for leave, it’s because he’s overworked

When I please my boss I’m crawling
When my boss pleases his boss, he’s co-operating

When I do good, my boss never remembers
When I do wrong, my boss never forgets……..

THE LIGHTER SIDE OF LIFE AT WORK

What job ads really mean

Competitive salary
We remain competitive by paying you less than our competition.

Join our fast-paced company
We have no time to train you.

Casual work atmosphere
We don’t pay enough to expect that you will dress up; a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

Some overtime required
Some every night and some every weekend.

Duties will vary
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

Must have an eye for detail
We have no quality assurance.

Career-minded
Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

Apply in person
If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told that the position has been filled.

Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience
You’ll need it to replace the three people who just quit.

Problem-solving skills a must
You’re walking into perpetual chaos.

Requires team leadership skills
You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

Good communication skills
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

Five best things to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk

1. “They told me at the blood bank this might happen.”
2. “I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?”
3. “Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.”
4. “The coffee machine is broken.”
5. ” … in God’s name, Amen.”

What does your profession say about you?
1. MARKETING – You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.

2. SALES – Laziest of all signs, often referred to as “marketing without a degree.” You are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can “concentrate on the big picture.” You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.

3. TECHNOLOGY – Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don’t understand what you are saying but who the hell can tell. It is written that Geeks shall inherit the Earth.

4. ENGINEERING – One of only two signs that actually studied in school. It is said that ninety percent of all Personal Ads are placed by engineers. You can be happy with yourself; your office is full of all the latest “ergo dynamic” gadgets. However, we all know what is really causing your “carpal tunnel syndrome.”

5. ACCOUNTING – The only other sign that studied in school. You are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane.

6. HUMAN RESOURCES – Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch AND then mail a letter.

7. MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT – Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other “Middle Managers” as everyone in you social circle is a “Middle Manager.”

8. SENIOR MANAGEMENT – (See above – Same sign, different title)

9. CUSTOMER SERVICE – Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As children very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play “Customer Service.” Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.

10. CONSULTANT – Lacking any specific knowledge, you use acronyms to avoid revealing your utter lack of experience. You have convinced yourself that your “skills” are in demand and that you could get a higher paying job with any other organization in a heartbeat. You will spend an eternity contemplating these career opportunities without ever taking direct action.

11. RECRUITER, “HEADHUNTER” – As a “person” that profits from the success of others, you are disdained by most people who actually work for a living. Paid on commission and susceptible to alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond directly with fluctuations in the stock market.

12. PARTNER, PRESIDENT, CEO – You are brilliant or lucky. Your inability to figure out complex systems such as the fax machine suggest the latter.

13. GOVERNMENT WORKER – Paid to take days off. Government workers are genius inventors, like the invention of new Holidays. They usually suffer from deep depression or anxiety and usually commit serious crimes while on the job… Thus the term “GO POSTAL”

Mistakes on a resume

These are from actual resumes:

“Personal: I’m married with 9 children. I don’t require prescription drugs.

“I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.”

“Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I’m a class act and do not come cheap.”

“I intentionally omitted my salary history. I’ve made money and lost money. I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor. I prefer being rich.”

“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”

“Number of dependents: 40.”

“Marital Status: Often. Children: Various.”

RESUME BLOOPERS

“Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:

“Responsibility makes me nervous.”

“They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions.”

REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB:

“Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.”

“I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”

“The company made me a scapegoat – just like my three previous employers.”

 

SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:

“Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.”

“My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”

“I procrastinate – especially when the task is unpleasant.”

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:

“Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.”

PERSONAL INTERESTS:

“Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.”

SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:

“Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.”

“Work Experience: Dealing with customers’ conflicts that arouse.”

“I’m a rabid typist.”