I’m seated at my desk staring blankly at the wall. Like a zombie. Am tired, not physically but emotionally…the effect of this always leads to mental and physical tiredness as well. I might end up having a nervous breakdown…but thank God that will never happen because I have an excellent support system…VODKA after hours! Besides, vodka has been erasing bad memories since 1405.
Anyway, I came to work very energetic and ready for another exciting day at work. Then a meeting happened! The kind of morning meetings I attend are not the obviously fun-time to catch-up-meetings other companies have; it usually means that time of the morning when my entire day is ruined. It’s that time of the morning where am picked on and made to feel like crap and as a result it affects my work for that entire day meaning the same cycle will continue on in the same manner the next day. I don’t mind being picked on…at times it’s good for my personal growth because I get to learn from my mistakes. But Lord, when it’s done each and every morning! each and every morning! it becomes excruciatingly painful! It’s like the whole universe is working against me!
Sometimes, I could use a little break; I hear change is like rest. My job is my life. I do everything possible to try and make things right. I work my ass off. I spend extra hours if needed to complete a certain job so as not to disappoint my boss. I spend time on the internet reading things that don’t come naturally to me because I want to better myself. But no matter how hard I try it’s just never good enough! There is always something wrong with what I’m doing which means all my efforts go down the drain at the end of the day. My only option is to shut down and become indifferent, work every day like a machine until I can’t take it anymore. After all, no matter how hard I try it won’t ever be good enough.
I use sarcasm as a coping mechanism and yeah, it damn well works for me 😀
Tell me am stupid and I reply “Yes I am”
Tell me am not doing enough and I say “Yes, of-course. I am so pathetic”
What can I do? Sometimes we just have to tell people what they wanna hear to spare ourselves from emotional distress.
When one is always pushed to the limit, no matter how hard they try, at times its good to just stop trying coz there’s no more room to progress. So just lay back and let the punches come at you. After all, am an employee not an entrepreneur. Maybe I should have a T-shirt that says “I can only take you in small doses. So when I choose to sit at my corner alone without making conversation take it as a polite notice that we’re just not cool like that”
OK, I’m not really gaining anything by ranting and raving about it on my blog…so I will just go and join other frustrated employees at The Bar in the evening. That always turns out well. But am glad I let it out 🙂