TORTURE IN THE EXAM ROOM


Holy crap! I have made the worst mistake of my life today. I was soooooo wise,until education ruined me…and now I am bearing the consequences.

You know, I wrote this article article while seated in an exam room. I know it sounds absolutely crazy that I would even have time to blog while sitting for an MIS paper…but I did not know any answer to all of the questions. So I sat there,waiting for my very generous neighbour to pass over his answer sheet and in the meantime I decided,what the heck, I have enough time to write an article! 🙂

Now here is where the story begins…

A few years ago I made an unconscious decision to pursue Bachelor of Commerce. Little did I know that I was going to face so many challenges later on with that kind of Degree. But my mum was so proud of me so I decided,why not? My plan was to go ahead with it,choose a marketing major and it would be a win-win situation for everyone.

 

Anyway, It always seemed like I had a lucky star or something. Coz funny enough,come graduation,I crossed the bar. I graduated with an upper division. I still don’t believe it to this date……..my mum was proud,I was happy. And just like every other BcOM Graduate I enrolled for CPAs.

…and that’s where the story brings us. So here I am,seated on my desk,blank and confused. Am not blank coz I am stupid,its coz i dint read. I dint read coz I dont care,I did is coz I don’t wanna go down this road again. I dont want to be an Accountant and work at PriceWaterHouse Coopers. I just want to be a simple girl who enjoys her career. A simple girl who loves what she does and is good at it…and I know exactly what to do to achieve that.

Today I read this article that completely made my day. Let me share it with you…

30 things to do if you are going to fail an exam anyways

Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, “I’m SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking.” Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say “They’ve found me, I have to leave the country” and run off.

15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out “Merry Christmas.” If you’re really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.

Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out “Fuck this!” and walk out triumphantly.

Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone’s done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)

Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, “I don’t understand ANY of this. I’ve been to every lecture all semester long! What’s the deal? And who the hell are you? Where’s the regular guy?”

Do the entire exam in another language. If you don’t know one, make one up!

Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, “the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!”

After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious… like history notes for a calculus exam… otherwise you’re not just failing, you’re getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment “Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit.”

Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, “Okay, let’s double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E….”

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2 thoughts on “TORTURE IN THE EXAM ROOM

  1. Anonymous says:

    Hehe thats the funniest article ive read

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