…OF BOSSES AND DIAPERS


A boss is like a diaper…full of shit and always on your a**. I have never heard of a more true statement.What is it with bosses and belittling their subordinates? Does it make them sleep better at night?

Seeing as am a Christian and all, I forgive my boss for all the times he’s made me feel like running to the ladies and crying my heart out..but today I have to blog about bosses!!

Before I entered the corporate world I always thot guys just hate on their bosses for no apparent reason,but at this point I think I am also on the receiving end…of crap!Its not fair but I cant complain. All I can do is blog about it. In the office, I am the kind of person you would describe as ‘submissive’ I don’t like talking back at my boss and in the same breath I would also really appreciate it if he just left me alone at times. All the whining and complaining about small insignificant things makes me sick! I think there are better means of communicating.

You see, if I was a boss, I wouldn’t make my employees feel like idiots. I would take time and get to know each and every one of them so that I know how to handle them according to their personalities. I think it’s much more fun working that way coz the office becomes a more pleasant place to be. Anyway,that’s just me. Bosses probably don’t have the time to socialize with their subordinates…but even so,a nice email is always better than all the whining. It gets the message across in a more civilized way. You know there are times when I just want to get to the office,sit quietly on my desk and work until 5pm…but NO! That is impossible. I am just an Intern and therefore am not entitled to any peace during work hours.

I guess there’s nothing I can do about it at this point so I’ll just vumilia my boss for all that he is and pray to God to forgive us all 🙂 😀 The best I can do is laugh about it to make myself feel better. But in my perspective;

When I take a long time I’m slow
When my boss takes a long time he’s thorough

When I don’t do it I’m lazy
When my boss doesn’t do it he’s busy

When I make a mistake, I’m an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake, he’s only human.

When I do something without being told, I’m overstepping my authority
When my boss does the same, that’s initiative/proactive

When I take a stand, I’m being bull-headed
When my boss does it, he’s being firm.

When I overlooked a rule of etiquette, I’m being rude
When my boss skips a few rules, he’s being original

When I’m out of the office, I’m wandering around
When my boss is out of the office, he’s on business

When I’m on a day off sick, I’m always sick
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill

When I apply for leave, I must be going for an interview
When my boss applies for leave, it’s because he’s overworked

When I please my boss I’m crawling
When my boss pleases his boss, he’s co-operating

When I do good, my boss never remembers
When I do wrong, my boss never forgets……..

THE LIGHTER SIDE OF LIFE AT WORK

What job ads really mean

Competitive salary
We remain competitive by paying you less than our competition.

Join our fast-paced company
We have no time to train you.

Casual work atmosphere
We don’t pay enough to expect that you will dress up; a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

Some overtime required
Some every night and some every weekend.

Duties will vary
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

Must have an eye for detail
We have no quality assurance.

Career-minded
Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

Apply in person
If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told that the position has been filled.

Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience
You’ll need it to replace the three people who just quit.

Problem-solving skills a must
You’re walking into perpetual chaos.

Requires team leadership skills
You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

Good communication skills
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

Five best things to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk

1. “They told me at the blood bank this might happen.”
2. “I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?”
3. “Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.”
4. “The coffee machine is broken.”
5. ” … in God’s name, Amen.”

What does your profession say about you?
1. MARKETING – You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.

2. SALES – Laziest of all signs, often referred to as “marketing without a degree.” You are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can “concentrate on the big picture.” You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.

3. TECHNOLOGY – Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don’t understand what you are saying but who the hell can tell. It is written that Geeks shall inherit the Earth.

4. ENGINEERING – One of only two signs that actually studied in school. It is said that ninety percent of all Personal Ads are placed by engineers. You can be happy with yourself; your office is full of all the latest “ergo dynamic” gadgets. However, we all know what is really causing your “carpal tunnel syndrome.”

5. ACCOUNTING – The only other sign that studied in school. You are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane.

6. HUMAN RESOURCES – Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch AND then mail a letter.

7. MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT – Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other “Middle Managers” as everyone in you social circle is a “Middle Manager.”

8. SENIOR MANAGEMENT – (See above – Same sign, different title)

9. CUSTOMER SERVICE – Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As children very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play “Customer Service.” Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.

10. CONSULTANT – Lacking any specific knowledge, you use acronyms to avoid revealing your utter lack of experience. You have convinced yourself that your “skills” are in demand and that you could get a higher paying job with any other organization in a heartbeat. You will spend an eternity contemplating these career opportunities without ever taking direct action.

11. RECRUITER, “HEADHUNTER” – As a “person” that profits from the success of others, you are disdained by most people who actually work for a living. Paid on commission and susceptible to alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond directly with fluctuations in the stock market.

12. PARTNER, PRESIDENT, CEO – You are brilliant or lucky. Your inability to figure out complex systems such as the fax machine suggest the latter.

13. GOVERNMENT WORKER – Paid to take days off. Government workers are genius inventors, like the invention of new Holidays. They usually suffer from deep depression or anxiety and usually commit serious crimes while on the job… Thus the term “GO POSTAL”

Mistakes on a resume

These are from actual resumes:

“Personal: I’m married with 9 children. I don’t require prescription drugs.

“I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.”

“Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I’m a class act and do not come cheap.”

“I intentionally omitted my salary history. I’ve made money and lost money. I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor. I prefer being rich.”

“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”

“Number of dependents: 40.”

“Marital Status: Often. Children: Various.”

RESUME BLOOPERS

“Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:

“Responsibility makes me nervous.”

“They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions.”

REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB:

“Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.”

“I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”

“The company made me a scapegoat – just like my three previous employers.”

 

SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:

“Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.”

“My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”

“I procrastinate – especially when the task is unpleasant.”

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:

“Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.”

PERSONAL INTERESTS:

“Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.”

SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:

“Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.”

“Work Experience: Dealing with customers’ conflicts that arouse.”

“I’m a rabid typist.”



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